Tucson Recovery Network

Sobriety Taking Responsibility

2010-01-28T18:55:00.000-08:00

One of the single most important words in the English language is responsibility.
Most of the problems we experience in life are because we fail to take responsibility. Look at your own life. Be honest with yourself. What problems can you identify that point back to your not taking responsibility either in a timely fashion or not at all? I bet it's 90% or higher. We are a country of people who seem to believe problems are always someone else's responsibility.

What is accepting personal responsibility?Accepting personal responsibility includes:

* Acknowledging that you are solely responsible for the choices in your life.

* Accepting that you are responsible for what you choose to feel or think.

* Accepting that you choose the direction for your life.

* Accepting that you cannot blame others for the choices you have made.

* Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for who you are, what has happened to you and what you are bound to become.

* The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who your are, and how your choices affect your life.

* Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.

*Realizing that you determine your feelings about any events or actions addressed to you, no matter how negative they seem.

* Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.

* Recognizing that as you enter adulthood and maturity, you determine how your self-esteem will develop.* Not feeling sorry for the "bum deal" you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.

* Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others.

* Protecting and nurturing your health and emotional well being.

* Taking preventive health oriented steps of structuring your life with time management, stress management, confronting fears and burnout prevention.

* Taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points.

* Developing positive, self-affirming, self-talk scripts to enhance your personal development and growth.

* Letting go of blame and anger toward those in your past who did the best they could, given the limitations of their knowledge, background and awareness.

* Working out anger, hostility, pessimism and depression over past hurts, pains, abuse, mistreatment and misdirection.

How can failing to accept personal responsibility result in negative consequences?When you have not accepted personal responsibility, you can run the risk of becoming:

* Overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation and acceptance.

* Chronically hostile, angry or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are being treated.

* Fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision.

* Overwhelmed by disabling fears.

* Unsuccessful at the enterprises you take on in life.

* Unsuccessful in personal relationships.

* Emotionally or physically unhealthy.

* Addicted to unhealthy substances, such as the abuse of alcohol, drugs, food or unhealthy behavior such as excessive gambling, shopping, sex, smoking, work, etc.

* Over responsible and guilt ridden in your need to rescue and enable others in your life.

* Unable to develop trust or to feel secure with others.* Resistant to vulnerability. What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?

* It's not my fault I am the way I am.

* I never asked to be born.

* Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?

* I want you to fix me.* Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.

* Why go on; I see no use in it.

* You can't help me, nobody can help me. I'm useless and a failure.

* God has asked too much of me this time. There is no way I'll ever be able to handle this.

* When do the troubles and problems cease? I'm tired of all this.

* Stop the world; I want to get off.* Life is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.

* How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have.

* How can I ever be happy, seeing how bad my life has been?

* My parents made me what I am today!

* Racism, bigotry, prejudice, sexism, ageism and closed-mindedness all stand in the way of my becoming what I really want to be.

* No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.

* You have to accept the luck of the draw.

* I am who I am; there is no changing me.

What behavior traits need to be developed in order to accept personal responsibility?In order to accept personal responsibility you need to develop the ability to:

* Seek out and to accept help for yourself.

* Be open to new ideas or concepts about life and the human condition.

* Refute irrational beliefs and overcome fears.

* Affirm yourself positively.

* You are the sole determinant of the choices you make.

* You choose your responses to the people, actions and events in your life.

* Let go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust and insecurity.

* Take risks and to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life.

* Take off the masks of behavior characteristics behind which you hide low self-esteem.

* Reorganize your priorities and goals.

* Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.

What are the steps in accepting personal responsibility?

Step 1: To decide if you are having problems accepting personal responsibility, answer the following questions in your journal:a. How frequently do you claim that others have determined what you are today?b. How easy is it to accept that you are responsible for your choices in life?c. How easy it is to believe that you determine the direction your life takes?d. How easy is it to blame others for where you are today?e. What masks do you hide behind to avoid accepting personal responsibility?f. How rational are you in dealing with the part you played in being who you are today?g. How easy is it to accept blame or admit mistakes?h. How easy is it to accept that you determine your feelings when negative events occur?i. How easy is it to depend solely on yourself for acceptance, affirmation and approval?j. How willing are you to be the sole determinant of the health of your self-esteem?k. How frequently do you feel sorry for yourself?l. How easy is it to let go of guilt if you stop rescuing those in your life?m. How willingly do you take preventive steps to ensure your physical and emotional health?n. How successfully have you practiced self-affirmation in your life?o. How successfully have you practiced anger work out and letting go in order to get on with your life?

Step 2: Identify your beliefs that prevent acceptance of responsibility for yourself. Develop new, rational, replacement beliefs to help you accept responsibility for yourself.

Step 3: You are now ready to develop a plan of action. For each area of your life, identify that tools you will use to accept personal responsibility.

Respect: A Break Through In Addictions Recovery

2009-05-26T20:25:00.000-07:00

Recently, I worked at a rehab center. Being in recovery myself for over 19 years, I liked the presence of this place. The brochures and advertising showed a beautiful place suggesting that they offered unconditional respect. The sad news, is after a few weeks of being there, I began to take note of the lack of respect that was given to the recovering people in treatment. Each time someone wanted certain things or had a valid complaint, I was told “They are addicts-they complain, that’s what they do.”

Of course I quit that job within six weeks of being there. I believed that respect needs to be given to these brave people who were fighting on a daily basis to gain control of their lives.

When my mother in-law lay dying of pancreatic cancer, I treated her with respect. If she complained I listened, if she was sad, I comforted her, if she was angry, I became her venting board. She had a disease that was killing her and she deserved respect. Imagine someone suffering from a disease and not showing them unconditional respect.

Alcoholism and drug addiction has been recognized for many years by professional medical organizations as a primary, chronic, progressive and sometimes fatal disease.
Recovery is about re-building your life into a meaningful and satisfying one.

One of the most important things that can help people in recovery is respect. A little sure can go a long way. It should be part of human nature to treat people in the way you would like to be treated yourself. Notice I did not say to treat people the way we were treated, I am suggesting we treat people the way we would like to be treated.

When I was in rehab over 19 years ago, what I liked so much about my treatment center was that no matter what you had or hadn't done in your past, the bottom line was if you are in recovery, then you are to be respected. People in recovery often leave a mangled path of destruction and distrust. Therefore a good part of our recovery is to begin to feel respected and eventually trusted once again.

Treating people with respect makes our world a nicer place to live in. Best part, it's easy - all you have to do is treat people the way you like to have them treat you. Here are a few ideas.

Don't insult people or make fun of them.
Listen to others when they speak.
Value other people's opinions.
Be considerate of people's likes and dislikes.
Don't mock or tease people.
Don't talk about people behind their backs.
Be sensitive to other people's feelings.
Don't pressure someone to do something he or she doesn't want to do.
Don't be judgmental or be around those who judge.
Be a good listener.
Respect yourself if you want others to respect you.

Recovery encompasses an individual's whole life, including mind, body, spirit and community. Recovery embraces all aspects of life. It is not a step-by-step process but is one based on continual growth with occasional setbacks and learning from experience. It is what I call earth school 101. Recovery begins with an initial stage of awareness in which a person recognizes that positive change is possible. This awareness enables the person in recovery to move on to fully engage in life. That process alone deserves the up most respect.

Recovery focuses on valuing and building on the multiple capacities, resiliencies, talents, coping abilities, and inherent worth of individuals. By building on these strengths, people can engage in new life roles. The process of recovery moves forward through interaction with others in supportive and respect based relationships.

If you feel disrespected by family, friends, loved ones, doctors, therapists and yes even treatment centers, please by all means, seek help else where. If the people places, settings and events in your life does not respect you and your process, that means people are not honoring your recovery. Look for rehab centers, friends, and support systems that make respect a priority. Respect in recovery is a break through we need to acknowledge.

Sober Socializing

2009-04-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

One of the best ways to stay sober is to steer clear from people or places that encourage your former habit. Staying away from bars or nightclubs, places where alcohol and drugs is prevalent, is helpful. Community support such as AA can increase your rate of success with maintaining sobriety. AA itself has done surveys of its membership, and discovered that they have a 95% drop-out rate of new members, within their first year.

Being in a social structure that understands what you're going through and have a true grasp of your struggles helps people maintain sobriety. In fact, research has shown positive sober socializing and support increases chances of people staying sober. Research has also indicated that social support isn't about the amount of friends a person has, but about how good the person thinks their relationships are with members of their support system.

What is social support?

* A network of people who provide positive feedback and give you emotional support.

* Sharing common grounds with others around you.
* Positive reinforcement from others who are sober.
* A Sense of belonging. Spending time with people helps ward off loneliness.
* Increased sense of self-worth. Having people who call you a friend reinforces the idea

What can happen if you do not have a good social network?

* Lose interest in your efforts.

* Think that your efforts go unrewarded.

* Can lose the motivation.

* Feel discouraged and lonely.
* Feel as if your efforts are meaningless.
* Feel as though no one understand your needs.

When you have a positive social network

* You become more involved and interested in your recovery process.

* Feel encouraged and motivated.
* Feel supported and understood.
* Feel good about the efforts you are making.

* Believe in work harder and longer on your efforts to recover.

* become more involved and interested in your life.

How to develop a system of social support in recovery

* Attend 12 step meetings or meetings that deal with recovery.

* Find a social support structure within the community
* Join clubs on the internet such as meetup.com
* Share telephone numbers.
* Get involved in community. Join a club, volunteer or take a class.

Tucson Recovery Network

2009-04-14T12:59:00.000-07:00

Tucson Recovery Network is about helping people help themselves. Tyler Woods holistic and self help approach to maintaining recovery is geared towards treating people with unconditional respect and dignity.

By using an eclectic approach such as spirituality, creativity, and a social modality, people tend to excel in their desire to stay clean and sober.

Tucson Recovery Network attempts to help people renew themselves using a holistic perspective to maintain sobriety.

Go to http://www.tylerwoods.org/ to learn more information about Tyler Woods and Recovery coaching.